Friday, February 22, 2008

Paying for a Wedding

I had a discussion today over lunch with a coworker about me and my fiances wedding planning and how it is going. I make it no secret that my fiance and I are saving for our wedding and paying for most of it ourselves. I found it interesting how my coworker thinks it is so ridiculous that we have to pay for our own wedding. She thinks it is the brides parents responsibility to pay for the whole thing. This confuses me considering she has told us before that her father is unable to work for some reason and does not have much money. Her mother passed away a few years about. She still expects her father to pay for her wedding and from how she talks, it is going to be an expensive wedding whenever the day comes.

What do you think? Obviously everyone has a different situation but do you feel it the responsibility of the brides parents to pay for the wedding? My fiance and I don't. We know the financial situation of her parents and would feel really bad if they were paying for it. They are helping out by paying for a few things. All in all I think we will end up splitting the costs about even once the whole thing is done and over. My fiance and I are financially responsible and we have been saving for our wedding since the day we got engaged. We have our own joint account that we automatically deposit money into every month. As we need the money we have been able to pay from the money we've saved in this account. I don't have a problem with it and neither does my fiance. However, for some reason others find it necessary to tell us how they won't have to pay for thier weddings because thier parents will. In some cases I think they are right. In others like with my coworker I think she is in for a rude awakening. I don't think she realizes how expensive weddings can get and I doubt her father will be able to pay for it all. In most cases, I just think to myself that it is a good thing your parents are going to pay for it because there is no way you are financially responsible enough to do it yourself without putting yourself in massive debt. However, I just keep my mouth shut and smile and nod.

What are your thoughts? Who's responsibility should it be to pay for a wedding? What about your own situations? How was your wedding paid for or how do you think it will be paid for?


SJean said...

My parents paid for the vast majority of my sisters wedding (but it was not a fancy wedding). Keep in mind the grooms parents "traditionally" pay for quite a portion too--rehersal dinner and alcohol at the reception, most notably (which was the case in my sisters). She paid for her dress I think, and maybe some other small stuff.

As for me, I expect to pay for some, but not a large portion. Maybe 25%. My bf (if he becomes the one) parents have pledged roughly $6k (as they paid that for his sister), and mine probably would pay another $6k or more (assuming that is what they paid for my sister). Beyond that, we'll cover the rest.

I think of it much like i think of college--parents should help if they are able, but children shouldn't feel entitled. And i shouldn't think it should matter as far as bride/groom, I think it should be joint.

Kimberly said...

My parents generously offered to pay for most of the wedding. They were in a position to do so, and they didn't go in to debt to do it. Because they were footing the bill, I let my mom run the show, which is what she really wanted anyway, I think. :) If they couldn't do that for me, it would have been a VERY different wedding, possibly even something on a Vegas-weekend level. I would have found a way to have the wedding for less than $3000.